Thursday, September 17, 2009

The World of Blog

I love to blog. It's almost become a sick addiction for me. One must make all their personal thoughts public for the entire Internet world to read! Although, I will admit that some people take their blogging too far. Example:

"Dear Everyone in the World,
I've decided I no longer like cats. Being of sound mind, I've decided to round up all the cats in the world, put them in paper bags, light them on fire, then throw them in the ocean. I think I'll start in my neighborhood and work my way through the city. You can't know how excited I am about this endeavor! Although, the more I think about it, the more I think this is too big a job for just one person... please come to my house
(insert house address) at 4:00 on March 23 and help me abolish filthy cats from our great nation and beyond! (Please bring your own assault rifle.)"

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I made that up. So, what's the point I'm trying to make? Keep your cat huntings a secret. I mean, we all get excited about our new adventures, but there are some things you just can't say out loud. I know I can never tell the story about the time I was 7 and I paid Eric Dorsey to show me his penis. People who don't know me would pass judgement on me without finding out the facts. And the facts on that particular story are pretty simple: I was told girls have vaginas and boys have penises. I was 7! What the hell's a penis?

Another mistake people make when they write is writing about stupid stuff that I'm people are not interested in. This doesn't just go for bloggers, though. Magazines need to realize how utterly inane their articles are becoming. Case in point:

I was sitting the doctor's office and I saw a magazine I'd never heard of before - the title caught my eye... something like: Green Living and Health and Well Being and Stuff. I started flipping through said magazine and find an article titled: How to Handle Awkward Situations. Now, I don't know about y'all, but I often find myself in uncouth positions - so this was an article that had my name written all over it. They decided instead of giving a general answer to recovering from embarrassing moments, they would give specific examples. Here's one example and I am not making this up... "What to do if you are standing in line at an ATM and the boss that recently fired you gets in line behind you." (Oddly, a punch in the throat wasn't the correct answer.)

I have four blogs which makes me an expert on all things blog related. So, here is my advice to novice bloggers:
*Don't share too much, because you'll become known as "that creepy blogger girl". And trust me, it takes a long time to shake that nickname.
*Don't write about something that maybe one out of every 15 trillion people can relate to. More than likely that person won't find your blog anyway - they'll be serving time for shooting someone whilst waiting to get cash.

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